'Twas the Night Before Christmas
(With apologies to Clement C. Moore)
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, neither cat nor PC mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of smart gadgets danced in their heads.
I sat by the fireplace with milk and cookies,
In quiet anticipation of some festive nookie.
Out of the fireplace burst St. Nick,
Shouting ''Hohoho, treat or trick!''
I said," 'Tis the wrong holiday, I fear'',
He smiled, "Worry not good sir, American Mom is here!''
Off came the red costume and Santa mask,
American Mom stood there revealed at long last,
The star-spangled heroine, true vision of beauty,
"Is that a Yule Log in your lap or are you just happy to see me?"
"Come to American Dad, long have I waited",
She sashays over, my breath is bated,
Beneath the mistletoe, next to the tree,
Trying all through the night, for number three!
Lucky sob. I wonder if American Mom would visit my home?